{"id":228,"date":"2011-11-11T18:31:48","date_gmt":"2011-11-11T18:31:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/?p=228"},"modified":"2011-11-11T18:31:56","modified_gmt":"2011-11-11T18:31:56","slug":"re-entering-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/?p=228","title":{"rendered":"Re-entering day"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are days I try to get through<\/em>. Too many. On these days, no amount of coffee or chocolate can help. I usually have too much of both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/a><\/td>\n\n

\nScreaming rush of river
\nEmpties
\nInto mud-walled stagnant pond.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

There are days I try to get out of<\/em>. Not participate in. Pretend are not happening, because my emotional filters are clogged. My spiritual portals: closed. On these days, I clean until our home is a stage-set. Then, I reluctantly become a nomadic forager of salty starch products. Fool myself by choosing \u201cbaked\u201d varieties.<\/p>\n

This weekend I tried a one-day water fast. What I learned (besides the fact that coffee is definitely the answer to everything) was that I am starving. Not for more attention. More love. Or a mind-melting foot-rub.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/a><\/td>\n\n

\nI am hungry
\nto be a connector of spirits.
\nA networker in other worlds.
\nI am hungry
\nto be a giant epic success
\nof radical receptivity.
\nI am hungry to hear the leaves.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Two days after the fast and I introduced fruit, coffee (in case that wasn\u2019t obvious) and turkey chili. Odd, I know, but my objective was not to follow any prescribed cleansing rituals but to make my own. I have felt out of step with my spirit.I know, it sounds abstract. Esoteric. But what I am craving is a primal, elemental. The kind of experience that cannot be accessed by therapy or acupuncture. The kind of experience to which howling or chest beating or shrieking would be a more likely way in.<\/p>\n

I am trying to tune in. I am not sure what this even means. Certainly not how to do it. But, I have been trying to let the day get through to me, get out of me what it has to give\u2013show me that I am bigger than two letters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/a><\/td>\n\n

\nI ask the red leaf,
\n\u201cWhere should we go?\u201d
\nIt points down. South? No.
\nBack? Toward the train? No.
\nIt bobs in the barest breeze. Nods.
\nI widen my retinal aperture. All the leaves
\nof all the trees nod, in unison. Agreement? Yes.
\n\u201cFaith is bigger than knowledge,\u201d they say.\u00a0 And then,
\nthe one red leaf, speaking from within my head offers this,
\n\u201cDrip like molasses through the roller coaster of your mind. Enter
\nthe fire of passion without singing the edges of your five-fingered maple soul.<\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

I cannot speak with spirits (yet) but I am dancing deeper into the questions.<\/p>\n


\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are days I try to get through. Too many. On these days, no amount of coffee or chocolate can help. I usually have too much of both. Screaming rush of river Empties Into mud-walled stagnant pond. There are days I try to get out of. Not participate in. Pretend are not happening, because my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=228"}],"version-history":[{"count":72,"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":308,"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/228\/revisions\/308"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/blog.evolvetheconversation.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}